‘Fag Ash and Baked Beans!’


“An ugly little bleeder,” was how I was described. Fat and bald! Nothing so kind as  chubby or chunky, big or pleasantly plump but without a doubt, quite simply ‘fat and bald’.

It seems quite so much so that the family would rub my bald, shiny head and declare ‘Happiness is Egg-shaped.’  This slogan, amongst others such as ‘Eggs are Cheap,’ ‘Eggs are Easy,’ and ‘Go to Work on an Egg,’ was used by the Egg Marketing Board in the late 1960’s to promote eggs and the slogans became popularised through advertising campaigns. It obviously became a source of amusement for the family to apply this likeness to me and I’m told that I would chuckle along every time they rubbed my head.

How I came to be fat as a baby could be said to be somewhat of a mystery given my apparent diet prior to my adoption. On asking what it was I liked to eat, my mother Pam had flippantly replied, “Oh, she loves Fag Ash and Baked Beans!”  This reply would come to haunt me for many years to come and was repeated to me whenever I did something wrong to remind me how ungrateful I was to have been saved from a lifetime diet of fag ash and baked beans.


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